sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
