are you still at the devil's house?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
