So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
