my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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