Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
