Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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