if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
