I'm really into asian looking animals
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
