Jerry, you need to find god
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
