hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
