He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
