I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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