if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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