I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
