why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
