so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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