If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My balls are so social today.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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