My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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