Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
