Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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