In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
