My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
