new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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