i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
