Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
