Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
