Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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