My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
