Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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