i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
