Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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