I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
