are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
