Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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