We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
