My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
