one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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