so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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