I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
