I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
