I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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