It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
