I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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