I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
