Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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