Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
