my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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