she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
