he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
