Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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