Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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