How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
