I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
