I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
