I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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