i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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