and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
