He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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