He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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