I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
