no, he came in my armpit
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
