How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
