there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
