While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
