Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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